Thursday, February 16th, 2012
32 notes
Mitt Romney and the Republican Party are that couple that’s been dating forever but never get married
Mitt wants to get married, but the GOP is all, “Marriage is sort of an antiquated institution.” And Mitt’s like, “Yeah. We’re happy with what we have.” He sighs because he’s not happy.
And the GOP says, “We’re actually in an open relationship.” And Mitt says, “At least for now.” The GOP didn’t hear him, because it already went to get another drink. It’s chatting up Rick Santorum. The GOP brings Santorum home for the night and Mitt sleeps on the couch.
Their friends have learned not to use certain words around the couple. (“Couple?” the GOP says. “That word’s a bit charged. I think of us as more of a correlation. A coincidence.”) They both get sullen when somebody uses a word like “compromise,” and “inevitable.”
Mitt leaves magazines open to articles with titles like, “Get over yourself and settle for what you have.” Mitt gushes over friends’ engagement rings and has worn white to so many consecutive weddings that it’s gotten awkward.
The GOP is working late a lot these days. It has a new secretary named Newt. Romney is sick of hearing stories about the funny thing Newt did that day.
Mitt keeps a stash of bridal magazines hidden in his underwear drawer. When nobody is around, he flips through them and cries.
The GOP says, “I think I’m getting old. My skin’s sagging. I’m losing hair. People will think I’m decrepit.” Mitt says, “You’lll always be beautiful to me.” The GOP says, “Maybe we’re stuck in a rut.”
Mitt says, “I love you.” The GOP pretends it didn’t hear.
(via think4yourself)
Source: squashed